Dear Prince Charming,
You recall the lesson in our Institute course, "Building an Eternal Marriage", on Starting Our Family. It led about to us changing our decision to wait a couple of years before we have children due to the spiritual promptings we received in that regard.
It has been almost two months since that lesson, and at this point we're both anxious for me to get a positive pregnancy test.
In the temple about a month ago I prayed to Heavenly Father letting Him know that our hearts and home were open to the spirits He would send to us, and asked Him to send them to us according to His own time and plan, that it would be for our own benefit in the long run, and asked that He would lead and direct me on how I could be a better mother as I try to raise the spirits He sends to us. A strong feeling of love and confirmation filled my heart. My prayer was answered, and I knew that He would do as I had asked of Him.
Part of me is glad that I know His hand is fully involved with this. But another part of me wants to pray and say, "So, I take that back. I want to start my family NOW, please. Send me that baby girl I was having repetitive dreams about. I'm sick of testing only to discover I'm not pregnant still."
And it's only been two months!!! What's wrong with me?!? I am not very patient with Heavenly Father's plan for us, it would seem.
This is more difficult right now, as I am not sure when my expected period is supposed to be. If I were on a 24 day cycle, I passed my expected period 4 days ago. If I'm on a regular 28 day cycle, I am supposed to start today, and today is almost over. If I'm on a 30 day cycle, that's only 2 days away. I've tested 3 times now, on different days, and again and again the little test scorns me, saying, "Um, really? You tested just a week ago and you weren't pregnant then. Why bother now? You're not pregnant this month, and you likely won't be pregnant next month, either."
I need to stop thinking about it. Which is almost impossible, I might add. Maybe if I just let go of having kids, and "plan on waiting" even though I'm not....
Heavenly Father will bless us with children when we're most ready for it. I can trust this. So, here I go. Trying to wait, and seeking to better trust God.
And dreaming of the day I'll get to hold our children in my arms.
And trying not to be coming up with baby names before I'm ever pregnant... ha.
Love You Always,
Your Princess
Your Sweetheart
Your Queen
These are my letters to the guy that I'll end up marrying someday.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
Our Happily Ever Afters Are Beginning
Dear Prince Charming,
We've been married for 3 weeks now, can you believe it?? Every day is a wonderful, wonderful blessing. Waking up and seeing your sweet face beside me as you sleep... Takes my breath away. I can't even begin to describe how safe and absolutely incredible it feels to fall asleep with your arms wrapped around me every night. I feel loved and protected. You make me feel cherished and respected and loved. I know that you would never do anything to intentionally hurt me, and I would never intentionally hurt you, either. I know we'll run into misunderstandings down the road; I am not afraid of them. We can do it!
I had never anticipated how much fun being married to you would be. Sometimes I can't help acting on impulses and end up getting caught in the aftermath... Like when your arms are around me and you're looking at me trustingly, softly, lovingly, and I suddenly want to reach out and tickle you. So I do. This erupts into a tickle fight or pillow fight or both as we try pushing the other person away as we simultaneously try penetrating the other's defenses and tickling each other. I love the mischievous grin that instantly comes on your face, your laughing, and your inhibition as you dive into the battle whole-heart-ed-ly (and maybe just a little bit childishly).
It's not even just the fun times, either. I love doing everything with you, even dishes. When we're doing them together, even that is more than bearable.
Coming home from work really late the other night and finding you still awake and waiting up for me made me feel treasured. Albeit still very groggy...
Although I'm in no hurry to have children right this very instant (still planning on waiting a couple years if Heavenly Father doesn't have anything to say about it), it's not difficult at all for me to imagine our kids crowding around you as you get home, each loving you and wanting attention as they try to impress you with their latest accomplishments or feel justified by you as they bring their latest complaint. I can just see you years from now dancing in the front room with one of our daughters as she tries to get a step down for ballroom, or sitting down with that studious expression on your face (that I find so very attractive) as you help one of our sons with his math. I can see you sitting on one of their beds, lovingly lecturing one of them as you justly follow through with the punishment you had warned them of beforehand.
I hope we are always this happy; I love you immeasurably.
Forever and Always Yours,
Your Princess
(or should that technically be your Queen now?)
We've been married for 3 weeks now, can you believe it?? Every day is a wonderful, wonderful blessing. Waking up and seeing your sweet face beside me as you sleep... Takes my breath away. I can't even begin to describe how safe and absolutely incredible it feels to fall asleep with your arms wrapped around me every night. I feel loved and protected. You make me feel cherished and respected and loved. I know that you would never do anything to intentionally hurt me, and I would never intentionally hurt you, either. I know we'll run into misunderstandings down the road; I am not afraid of them. We can do it!
I had never anticipated how much fun being married to you would be. Sometimes I can't help acting on impulses and end up getting caught in the aftermath... Like when your arms are around me and you're looking at me trustingly, softly, lovingly, and I suddenly want to reach out and tickle you. So I do. This erupts into a tickle fight or pillow fight or both as we try pushing the other person away as we simultaneously try penetrating the other's defenses and tickling each other. I love the mischievous grin that instantly comes on your face, your laughing, and your inhibition as you dive into the battle whole-heart-ed-ly (and maybe just a little bit childishly).
It's not even just the fun times, either. I love doing everything with you, even dishes. When we're doing them together, even that is more than bearable.
Coming home from work really late the other night and finding you still awake and waiting up for me made me feel treasured. Albeit still very groggy...
Although I'm in no hurry to have children right this very instant (still planning on waiting a couple years if Heavenly Father doesn't have anything to say about it), it's not difficult at all for me to imagine our kids crowding around you as you get home, each loving you and wanting attention as they try to impress you with their latest accomplishments or feel justified by you as they bring their latest complaint. I can just see you years from now dancing in the front room with one of our daughters as she tries to get a step down for ballroom, or sitting down with that studious expression on your face (that I find so very attractive) as you help one of our sons with his math. I can see you sitting on one of their beds, lovingly lecturing one of them as you justly follow through with the punishment you had warned them of beforehand.
I hope we are always this happy; I love you immeasurably.
Forever and Always Yours,
Your Princess
(or should that technically be your Queen now?)
Friday, November 18, 2011
Our Contract
Relationship Contract
We agree to follow the line of standards we have established for ourselves, through the influence of General Authorities via For the Strength of Youth, parents and local church leaders. These Standards are as follows:
I. Before marriage, we agree to:
a. Obey curfew and never stay out past curfew hours. These hours will be 10 pm Sunday – Thursday and 11 pm for Friday and Saturday. We will allow for 30 minutes of travel time to get home after these hours.
b. Never be in either of our homes alone, enter each other’s; rooms, lay down together, touch each other in inappropriate (sacred) areas, and/or participate in passionate (arousing) kissing.
c. Always have a planned activity in mind before cuddling and/or kissing, and be willing to stop and say stop with no necessary explanation.
II. At all times in our relationship we agree to:
a. Never put up with crude or demeaning language or humor, abuse or allow abuse of any kind, listen to or watch media that is inconsistent with the Spirit of God, speak down to or about each other or ourselves, think only of ourselves, and/or be selfish or unkind.
b. Treat each other with respect; forgive each other; express gratitude to each other and the Lord; uplift and strengthen each other; be honest, open, cheerful, considerate of each other, and helpful; pray together and for each other; fast together and pay our tithing; and honor our parents.
We will also attend church together, attend the temple regularly, make schooling and institute a priority, participate in wholesome recreational activities, help each other with chores, continue to date and to dance with each other, talk with each other, as well as our bishop(s), parents, and others as necessary.
We will also attend church together, attend the temple regularly, make schooling and institute a priority, participate in wholesome recreational activities, help each other with chores, continue to date and to dance with each other, talk with each other, as well as our bishop(s), parents, and others as necessary.
We commit to this relationship with each other and God, and are willing to work hard to ensure its success.
We will have faith in God and each other, and continue to work on improving ourselves and this relationship.
We know that by living these standards we will experience a greater joy, richer marriage, feel more fulfilled in our relationship, and we will obtain our goal of a celestial, eternal marriage to each other.
Monday, November 14, 2011
Falling In Love Rocks
Dear Prince Charming,
It really, truly does. You make every moment I spend with you amazing. :)
Love,
Love,
Your Princess
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Conversations I've Saved
Dear Prince Charming,
Hopefully by now, you are aware of the fact that I am somewhat of a pack rat. Especially of things that have sentimental value to me. Some of our conversations are the same way, when we've texted.
Unfortunately, my phone memory is borderline full, and I guess it'd be smarter to save these conversations this way in case I ever lose said phone...
July 9, 2011
Me: So, apparently I must be really amazing or something, because I just had another person try to set me up with one of their relatives... Again.
You: Too bad for the relative. You are already taken. And I don't want to share.
Me: I figured as much. I told him that I was sorry, I'm sure his brother is amazing, but that I already had a boyfriend.
You: And now you look even better. I'm glad I got there first.
Me: Hahaha! :) so am I. If any of the other guys were as diligent about asking me on dates, who knows what would have happened :)
You: I would have missed out on the most amazing girl. That's probably what would have happened.
Me: Call me biased, but when I met you there were at least 4 other guys that had expressed interest around that time, and I was hoping for a date from you.
You: That's 'cause I have one thing going for me. I can dance.
Me: You have more than that going for you, but it did give you the advantage of the best first impression :)
You: See. It's all about the moves. Or perhaps the falsetto.
Me: Hahaha! :) I don't recall hearing you sing falsetto that night. I just remember thinking you were really cute, fun, & I loved dancing ballroom with you. Which, I was right on all three. Except I would be more likely to call you handsome than cute now.
You: Fair enough. I thought you were cute, willing to try and confident. That makes a huge difference.
Me: Worst case scenario for you though, you had a missionary coming home soon. I'd have gotten the shorter stick on that deal.
You: No. Worst case is I never met you.
But that didn't happen, and I'm glad.
Me: This is true :) It didn't. And I'm also very glad, because I love you and it's difficult to imagine what life would be like without you in it now that you are.
You: I love you too. And I am glad that we were both at our best that night. Things do work for our advantage.
July 27, 2011
Me: I really don't mind that it's taking you time to decide. I'm grateful that the decision is important to you and that you're taking your time to make sure God has a part in your decisions and our relationship. And I will never give up on you because I will always love you. :* goodnight <3
September 7, 2011
Me: I made it home safely. Turns out it's good we took the back roads. A large portion of State Street was closed off from an accident that happened. With how it was closed off and the large number of police and firetrucks etc, I think someone may have died.
You: I'm glad it wasn't you!
Me: Me too. I'm glad Heavenly Father has more in store for me and watches over me. I don't know what I'd do if it had been me.
You: Well, you would have a different perspective if it had been you. I don't know what I would have done...
Me: Well, I can't imagine it being easy for me to watch all of my loved ones' pain and know I can do nothing to comfort them and let them know I'm alright. And I honestly have no idea what you'd do. After a while though you'd have to let go and move forward with your life and date again.
You: Yeah... eventually...
Me: I have no clue how long that'd take though. Especially since you don't let go of relationships very easily and already have depression. That'd be hard for me.
You: Yeah. lets just plan on not doing that then.
Me: I'm not exactly suicidal; I'm definitely planning on living for a long time still. I'm not done here yet. But I agree. Don't plan on dying any time soon, ok?
You: Agreed. goodnight!
September 8, 2011
Me: Awesome. I'm getting plenty of "don't get married yet" advice.
You: I'm sorry you have to keep hearing why you shouldn't get married. If it makes you feel any better, I think you should.
Me: Because your input is completely impartial and you neither gain nor lose anything either way, right? ;)
You: Correct. :*
Me: Well then. What are your "impartial" reasons that I should get married? Since you lose nothing if I don't and gain nothing if I do? ;)
I'll be impressed if you actually can come up with legitimate, actual impartial, reasons. Throwing it out there.
You: You have found someone whom you feel you can be happy with for eternity. God has agreed with you. You are still under the command to multiply and replenish the earth. Marriage is the closest you can come to heaven on earth. You can only progress so far without marriage. It will allow you to partake of the blessings of the temple sooner and be endowed with power. It will help with taxes. You are in love. You are happiest when with your significant other. You don't want to imagine life single again.You believe it is the right thing to do.
Me: Fair enough - you win :* even though I'm not completely sold on your impartiality ;)
September 9, 2011
Me: That's good. In that case, I'm hoping you don't have any plans, because I'm thinking I'd like to spend eternity with you. I hope you don't mind. ;*
You: I think I can fit that in. ;)
Me: Oh good :) Because I was looking at my schedule & saw I could definitely fit you in for all eternity. Glad we could make our schedules work. ;)
October 6, 2011
Me: You drove to your house with everything still adjusted to me, didn't you?
You: Yes.
Me: What am I going to do with you? :)
You: Lock me in a closet under the stairs?
Me: But you're already a wizard, remember? ;) I'm leaning towards thinking I may just have to marry you. For purely selfish reasons, of course. I can't have you thinking I'm rewarding you for such heinous crimes as going out of your way to be thoughtful.
You: That was my second guess... just to save other girls from having to deal with me of course. You wouldn't want to trouble them...
Me: I just don't think that I could trust any other girl with taking care of you. When you want to get anything done right, you have to do it yourself. I mean, we wouldn't want you being a menace to society, now would we?
You: It's true, you really have no other option. You're stuck with me.
Me: Although, now that I think about it, I have very little expertise in this field. Are you sure you would want me to be the one "dealing" with you?
You: I believe in hands on learning.
Me: Haha :) fair enough. Also, I should probably make a confession...
You: Oh?
Me: I know this will be hard to believe, but while I am magical, I have never made a love potion before. You're not actually under a spell.
You: What! Inconceivable! Maybe I made one for myself?
Me: Why on earth would you do something so ridiculous as creat a love potion to fall in love with some random girl you barely knew when you were already in love??
You: It seemed like a good idea at the time... Now it seems like the best idea I've ever had.
Me: Sounds like a side effect from the potion you made yourself ;) what makes you so certain it was a magic love potion?
You: The only other option is that I really love you.
Me: I think I like that option better... :*
October 8, 2011
Me: Dear Prince Charming,
I have a question. If I didn't use a love potion, and you used one on yourself, did you also give one to me?
Love,
Your Princess
You: Dear Princess,
I don't remember making one for myself. I'm thinking potions weren't involved. We did it all on our own.
Love,
Prince Charming
Me: Dear Prince Charming,
Ok. So you didn't make one for yourself. Are you sure you didn't use a love potion on me though? Because, honestly, when I'm with you and you're holding me, it's the most magical feeling I have ever known.
Love,
your princess
You: Dear Princess,
I don't know how to make love potions. I skipped that class. I do, however, agree that holding you is the best feeling ever.
Love,
Your Prince
Me: Dear Prince Charming,
Well if it's not a love potion, it must be true love and who are we to fight something so wonderful? Now we'll HAVE to get married ;)
Love,
Your Princess
Goodnight, love :) I'm struggling to stay awake, so I'll see you in the morning. :* sleep well.
You: Good thing I got you a ring then. Good night love, I'll see you in the morning.
October 24, 2011
Me: So I just went and donated blood... and almost passed out twice. Hopefully I'll be fine now.
You: Are you doing okay still? And did you make it to work?
Next question... Where did you put my bike?
Me: I believe it's in the garage. And I'm at work.
You: Okay. Thanks.
Me: Oh. Crap. I fail. I'm so sorry, Andrew. I just called James and he's bringing your bike to work for you.
And the off day continues... :P
James is going to let you know where your bike is at. Love you!
You: Thanks. I was just going to walk to your place. Thank you though. I love you!
October 25, 2011
Me: I'm off now. We were making the bank deposit. Finally heading home.
You: That's good. Still alive too?
Me: Nope. I died. Sorry for the bad news.
You: What? When is the funeral?
Me: My funeral will take place November 2nd. My friend Danny already wrote my eulogy, but you may want to consider re-writing it since in his version I married him.
You: Yes, I should rewrite that...
Me: I'll have to share Danny's eulogy of me sometime. It's highly amusing. Now I just have to figure out what to do with myself until November 2nd, since I AM dead.
You: You could haunt me.
Me: Why would you want me to haunt you? Wouldn't that just make my passing harder for you?
You: I don't know. I can't really think straight at the moment. Too much grief.
November 2, 2011
Me: Thank you so much for your willingness to help out tonight, Andrew. You're absolutely incredible, you know that? I love you so very much. You are truly my everything & the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you for your work and dedication to taking me to the temple.
You: And no matter how hard I try, I'll never feel like I've done enough for you. You are worth every effort and more. I love you!
Me: Heavenly Father was right :) I have indeed chosen well. Thank you, Andrew. I love you, too. Sleep well and may angels always attend you :)
You: You as well. Goodnight my love.
November 3, 2011
You: I'm home Elizabeth. I love you! Thank you for bringing a sense of belonging back into my life. Sleep well! I'll see you in the morning.
Maybe down the road I won't understand why I saved some of these...
Oh well.
Love,
Your Princess
Hopefully by now, you are aware of the fact that I am somewhat of a pack rat. Especially of things that have sentimental value to me. Some of our conversations are the same way, when we've texted.
Unfortunately, my phone memory is borderline full, and I guess it'd be smarter to save these conversations this way in case I ever lose said phone...
July 9, 2011
Me: So, apparently I must be really amazing or something, because I just had another person try to set me up with one of their relatives... Again.
You: Too bad for the relative. You are already taken. And I don't want to share.
Me: I figured as much. I told him that I was sorry, I'm sure his brother is amazing, but that I already had a boyfriend.
You: And now you look even better. I'm glad I got there first.
Me: Hahaha! :) so am I. If any of the other guys were as diligent about asking me on dates, who knows what would have happened :)
You: I would have missed out on the most amazing girl. That's probably what would have happened.
Me: Call me biased, but when I met you there were at least 4 other guys that had expressed interest around that time, and I was hoping for a date from you.
You: That's 'cause I have one thing going for me. I can dance.
Me: You have more than that going for you, but it did give you the advantage of the best first impression :)
You: See. It's all about the moves. Or perhaps the falsetto.
Me: Hahaha! :) I don't recall hearing you sing falsetto that night. I just remember thinking you were really cute, fun, & I loved dancing ballroom with you. Which, I was right on all three. Except I would be more likely to call you handsome than cute now.
You: Fair enough. I thought you were cute, willing to try and confident. That makes a huge difference.
Me: Worst case scenario for you though, you had a missionary coming home soon. I'd have gotten the shorter stick on that deal.
You: No. Worst case is I never met you.
But that didn't happen, and I'm glad.
Me: This is true :) It didn't. And I'm also very glad, because I love you and it's difficult to imagine what life would be like without you in it now that you are.
You: I love you too. And I am glad that we were both at our best that night. Things do work for our advantage.
July 27, 2011
Me: I really don't mind that it's taking you time to decide. I'm grateful that the decision is important to you and that you're taking your time to make sure God has a part in your decisions and our relationship. And I will never give up on you because I will always love you. :* goodnight <3
September 7, 2011
Me: I made it home safely. Turns out it's good we took the back roads. A large portion of State Street was closed off from an accident that happened. With how it was closed off and the large number of police and firetrucks etc, I think someone may have died.
You: I'm glad it wasn't you!
Me: Me too. I'm glad Heavenly Father has more in store for me and watches over me. I don't know what I'd do if it had been me.
You: Well, you would have a different perspective if it had been you. I don't know what I would have done...
Me: Well, I can't imagine it being easy for me to watch all of my loved ones' pain and know I can do nothing to comfort them and let them know I'm alright. And I honestly have no idea what you'd do. After a while though you'd have to let go and move forward with your life and date again.
You: Yeah... eventually...
Me: I have no clue how long that'd take though. Especially since you don't let go of relationships very easily and already have depression. That'd be hard for me.
You: Yeah. lets just plan on not doing that then.
Me: I'm not exactly suicidal; I'm definitely planning on living for a long time still. I'm not done here yet. But I agree. Don't plan on dying any time soon, ok?
You: Agreed. goodnight!
September 8, 2011
Me: Awesome. I'm getting plenty of "don't get married yet" advice.
You: I'm sorry you have to keep hearing why you shouldn't get married. If it makes you feel any better, I think you should.
Me: Because your input is completely impartial and you neither gain nor lose anything either way, right? ;)
You: Correct. :*
Me: Well then. What are your "impartial" reasons that I should get married? Since you lose nothing if I don't and gain nothing if I do? ;)
I'll be impressed if you actually can come up with legitimate, actual impartial, reasons. Throwing it out there.
You: You have found someone whom you feel you can be happy with for eternity. God has agreed with you. You are still under the command to multiply and replenish the earth. Marriage is the closest you can come to heaven on earth. You can only progress so far without marriage. It will allow you to partake of the blessings of the temple sooner and be endowed with power. It will help with taxes. You are in love. You are happiest when with your significant other. You don't want to imagine life single again.You believe it is the right thing to do.
Me: Fair enough - you win :* even though I'm not completely sold on your impartiality ;)
September 9, 2011
Me: That's good. In that case, I'm hoping you don't have any plans, because I'm thinking I'd like to spend eternity with you. I hope you don't mind. ;*
You: I think I can fit that in. ;)
Me: Oh good :) Because I was looking at my schedule & saw I could definitely fit you in for all eternity. Glad we could make our schedules work. ;)
October 6, 2011
Me: You drove to your house with everything still adjusted to me, didn't you?
You: Yes.
Me: What am I going to do with you? :)
You: Lock me in a closet under the stairs?
Me: But you're already a wizard, remember? ;) I'm leaning towards thinking I may just have to marry you. For purely selfish reasons, of course. I can't have you thinking I'm rewarding you for such heinous crimes as going out of your way to be thoughtful.
You: That was my second guess... just to save other girls from having to deal with me of course. You wouldn't want to trouble them...
Me: I just don't think that I could trust any other girl with taking care of you. When you want to get anything done right, you have to do it yourself. I mean, we wouldn't want you being a menace to society, now would we?
You: It's true, you really have no other option. You're stuck with me.
Me: Although, now that I think about it, I have very little expertise in this field. Are you sure you would want me to be the one "dealing" with you?
You: I believe in hands on learning.
Me: Haha :) fair enough. Also, I should probably make a confession...
You: Oh?
Me: I know this will be hard to believe, but while I am magical, I have never made a love potion before. You're not actually under a spell.
You: What! Inconceivable! Maybe I made one for myself?
Me: Why on earth would you do something so ridiculous as creat a love potion to fall in love with some random girl you barely knew when you were already in love??
You: It seemed like a good idea at the time... Now it seems like the best idea I've ever had.
Me: Sounds like a side effect from the potion you made yourself ;) what makes you so certain it was a magic love potion?
You: The only other option is that I really love you.
Me: I think I like that option better... :*
October 8, 2011
Me: Dear Prince Charming,
I have a question. If I didn't use a love potion, and you used one on yourself, did you also give one to me?
Love,
Your Princess
You: Dear Princess,
I don't remember making one for myself. I'm thinking potions weren't involved. We did it all on our own.
Love,
Prince Charming
Me: Dear Prince Charming,
Ok. So you didn't make one for yourself. Are you sure you didn't use a love potion on me though? Because, honestly, when I'm with you and you're holding me, it's the most magical feeling I have ever known.
Love,
your princess
You: Dear Princess,
I don't know how to make love potions. I skipped that class. I do, however, agree that holding you is the best feeling ever.
Love,
Your Prince
Me: Dear Prince Charming,
Well if it's not a love potion, it must be true love and who are we to fight something so wonderful? Now we'll HAVE to get married ;)
Love,
Your Princess
Goodnight, love :) I'm struggling to stay awake, so I'll see you in the morning. :* sleep well.
You: Good thing I got you a ring then. Good night love, I'll see you in the morning.
October 24, 2011
Me: So I just went and donated blood... and almost passed out twice. Hopefully I'll be fine now.
You: Are you doing okay still? And did you make it to work?
Next question... Where did you put my bike?
Me: I believe it's in the garage. And I'm at work.
You: Okay. Thanks.
Me: Oh. Crap. I fail. I'm so sorry, Andrew. I just called James and he's bringing your bike to work for you.
And the off day continues... :P
James is going to let you know where your bike is at. Love you!
You: Thanks. I was just going to walk to your place. Thank you though. I love you!
October 25, 2011
Me: I'm off now. We were making the bank deposit. Finally heading home.
You: That's good. Still alive too?
Me: Nope. I died. Sorry for the bad news.
You: What? When is the funeral?
Me: My funeral will take place November 2nd. My friend Danny already wrote my eulogy, but you may want to consider re-writing it since in his version I married him.
You: Yes, I should rewrite that...
Me: I'll have to share Danny's eulogy of me sometime. It's highly amusing. Now I just have to figure out what to do with myself until November 2nd, since I AM dead.
You: You could haunt me.
Me: Why would you want me to haunt you? Wouldn't that just make my passing harder for you?
You: I don't know. I can't really think straight at the moment. Too much grief.
November 2, 2011
Me: Thank you so much for your willingness to help out tonight, Andrew. You're absolutely incredible, you know that? I love you so very much. You are truly my everything & the best thing that has ever happened to me. Thank you for your work and dedication to taking me to the temple.
You: And no matter how hard I try, I'll never feel like I've done enough for you. You are worth every effort and more. I love you!
Me: Heavenly Father was right :) I have indeed chosen well. Thank you, Andrew. I love you, too. Sleep well and may angels always attend you :)
You: You as well. Goodnight my love.
November 3, 2011
You: I'm home Elizabeth. I love you! Thank you for bringing a sense of belonging back into my life. Sleep well! I'll see you in the morning.
Maybe down the road I won't understand why I saved some of these...
Oh well.
Love,
Your Princess
Thursday, October 13, 2011
An Unexpected Letter
Dear Prince Charming,
Years from now, you will probably remember yesterday better than I will. You will probably also have a completely different version to this story than I do.
At 6:30 AM my alarm clock went off. I dragged myself out of bed, grumpy complaining thoughts in my head about the injustice of having to wake up so early, and a pining desire to text you to say that I was not coming over because I was going back to sleep. Apparently my brain didn't even buy its own wishful thinking, because I soon found myself dressed and heading out the door.
I never would have imagined how glad I would be that I did not act on that impulse.
I arrived at your house and knocked on the door. When you answered, you greeted me more distractedly than normal.
"How did you sleep last night," I asked you.
"Not so great," you admitted.
"Oh? What was wrong? Just couldn't sleep?"
"Let's sit down."
You explained that you had gotten a letter from Tori that morning. Or, rather, last night, but that you didn't get it until that morning. It was dated on my birthday, ironically. And it involved me. She had broken up with you in it, accusing you of never really have loved her, of not respecting her. She was the second girl to break up with you for that reason. You worried that you were incapable of love, that it was all just a mind game you played on yourself to make believe you were in love.
My emotions were frozen. I ached for the pain that I could tell you were in. My mind was racing to flashbacks of memories of us, with your eyes soft and the gentle stroke of your hand on my cheek. I was so sure you loved me. I knew this was your depression acting up as well. This, here, was going to be something that will come up many times during our marriage. Something I would have to support you through.
You kept voicing your doubts, the hurt you felt, the way it sounded like an accusation that you were incapable of love. You THOUGHT you loved both of the girls, respected them. What if you hadn't? What if it was all a mind game you were playing to persuade yourself you were in love? What if you really WERE incapable of love? This is how it affected me. If you were incapable of love, how were you good enough for me, how could you really love me the way I deserve? You could try to love me the best way you know how, but would you really actually love me?
I tried to assure you that I knew you loved me, and that I loved you, and that I would always be there for you. You said thank you, and then we prayed and left. I told you that I loved you and that I would always be here for you, you responded that you knew, and that you would love me the best that you knew how. As I kissed you goodbye, my heart was aching, and my mind was filling itself up with doubt.
I made it home and went back to bed, curling up in a ball and feeling miserable. Should I postpone the marriage? How did I know you loved me? That I loved you? Did you really know whether you loved me or not?
When I woke up, I had no desire to go to work. I wanted to sit around all day and bask in my misery. I went to work anyway. I have never had a harder time trying to pretend that I was happy at work. Stress built up on me as I contemplated everything I still needed to do to plan for our marriage. Postponing the marriage was sounding nicer and nicer. I wished there was a way that I could break off the engagement and continue dating you. Just say that we weren't ready for marriage yet, but that I still wanted to marry you eventually. What if I just broke up with you? I was sure that Heavenly Father would provide someone else for me eventually. Heck, I even still had the number of that random guy from my singles ward that had given me his number that I never called (because I was already engaged to you when this happened).
I imagined how much more in pain you would be if I were to do that to you while you were already down. How much pain I would be in, and how uncomfortable I would be even just holding hands with any other guy than you.
When I got off of work and Carlin wanted to hang out, I clung to the idea of doing something with someone, to get the stress off of my shoulders. I had been very seriously considering going up the canyon and going on a run, even if I had to go run in the canyon alone. This seemed like a good substitute for my previous activity choice. I drove to the mall to get together with Carlin. Constantly as we were hanging out, I would zone out and Carlin would look at me strangely. "Are you alright?" he asked me, concerned, on a few different occasions.
My mood was much more decent after I got food. Then I got on the computer to check Facebook. And found this message you had sent to me:
"Thanks for being so understanding. I realize that it must be difficult for you to see how much of an effect another girl can have on me, and I really appreciate your continued support. It's a thought provoking experiance being told that someone was willing to "settle" for you because they didn't think that they had a better choice. really makes you look at yourself and wonder. I'm glad that I had the choice, and that I was able to pick whom I thought was the better option, not just who was availble. I love you very much Elizabeth, I just want you to know that. You are an amazing person and I really appreciate everything that you do. Know that I have never regretted my decision. You are the right person for me to marry. Perhaps when you get doubts, you can remember that given the choice, i picked you. And going back, I'd make the same decision again, and again, and again. I love you,
Andrew."
I read your message over and over, a warm feeling of gratitude and love flooding me. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders, and I was reminded, yet again, how much I love you and that you were the right one for me. I knew that while things will be difficult for us at times, I am strong enough to support and stand by you. Things were going to work out. They will continue to work out, as long as we continue communicating and expressing love and appreciation to each other.
This was yesterday. This morning I could tell you were still extremely stressed out. Apparently it was mostly all the homework you have to do? On our way to your physics class after institute, I was moody and contemplative and a part of me just wanted to let go of your hand and walk away. You said something that made me laugh right as the contemplation came to mind, and the unexpected humor lightened my mood considerably.
When I got to work, something got to me, and my much more normal good humored personality began to kick in. Maybe it was how blue the skies are today. Maybe it's how it's finally warm again. I was suddenly in a GREAT mood!! :) When I got to your house after work, you were in a pretty good mood, too, which helped immensely.
Thank goodness for happy tomorrows/todays to follow our gloomy todays/yesterdays. :)
Love,
Your Princess
A Damsel Looking Forward
Years from now, you will probably remember yesterday better than I will. You will probably also have a completely different version to this story than I do.
At 6:30 AM my alarm clock went off. I dragged myself out of bed, grumpy complaining thoughts in my head about the injustice of having to wake up so early, and a pining desire to text you to say that I was not coming over because I was going back to sleep. Apparently my brain didn't even buy its own wishful thinking, because I soon found myself dressed and heading out the door.
I never would have imagined how glad I would be that I did not act on that impulse.
I arrived at your house and knocked on the door. When you answered, you greeted me more distractedly than normal.
"How did you sleep last night," I asked you.
"Not so great," you admitted.
"Oh? What was wrong? Just couldn't sleep?"
"Let's sit down."
You explained that you had gotten a letter from Tori that morning. Or, rather, last night, but that you didn't get it until that morning. It was dated on my birthday, ironically. And it involved me. She had broken up with you in it, accusing you of never really have loved her, of not respecting her. She was the second girl to break up with you for that reason. You worried that you were incapable of love, that it was all just a mind game you played on yourself to make believe you were in love.
My emotions were frozen. I ached for the pain that I could tell you were in. My mind was racing to flashbacks of memories of us, with your eyes soft and the gentle stroke of your hand on my cheek. I was so sure you loved me. I knew this was your depression acting up as well. This, here, was going to be something that will come up many times during our marriage. Something I would have to support you through.
You kept voicing your doubts, the hurt you felt, the way it sounded like an accusation that you were incapable of love. You THOUGHT you loved both of the girls, respected them. What if you hadn't? What if it was all a mind game you were playing to persuade yourself you were in love? What if you really WERE incapable of love? This is how it affected me. If you were incapable of love, how were you good enough for me, how could you really love me the way I deserve? You could try to love me the best way you know how, but would you really actually love me?
I tried to assure you that I knew you loved me, and that I loved you, and that I would always be there for you. You said thank you, and then we prayed and left. I told you that I loved you and that I would always be here for you, you responded that you knew, and that you would love me the best that you knew how. As I kissed you goodbye, my heart was aching, and my mind was filling itself up with doubt.
I made it home and went back to bed, curling up in a ball and feeling miserable. Should I postpone the marriage? How did I know you loved me? That I loved you? Did you really know whether you loved me or not?
When I woke up, I had no desire to go to work. I wanted to sit around all day and bask in my misery. I went to work anyway. I have never had a harder time trying to pretend that I was happy at work. Stress built up on me as I contemplated everything I still needed to do to plan for our marriage. Postponing the marriage was sounding nicer and nicer. I wished there was a way that I could break off the engagement and continue dating you. Just say that we weren't ready for marriage yet, but that I still wanted to marry you eventually. What if I just broke up with you? I was sure that Heavenly Father would provide someone else for me eventually. Heck, I even still had the number of that random guy from my singles ward that had given me his number that I never called (because I was already engaged to you when this happened).
I imagined how much more in pain you would be if I were to do that to you while you were already down. How much pain I would be in, and how uncomfortable I would be even just holding hands with any other guy than you.
When I got off of work and Carlin wanted to hang out, I clung to the idea of doing something with someone, to get the stress off of my shoulders. I had been very seriously considering going up the canyon and going on a run, even if I had to go run in the canyon alone. This seemed like a good substitute for my previous activity choice. I drove to the mall to get together with Carlin. Constantly as we were hanging out, I would zone out and Carlin would look at me strangely. "Are you alright?" he asked me, concerned, on a few different occasions.
My mood was much more decent after I got food. Then I got on the computer to check Facebook. And found this message you had sent to me:
"Thanks for being so understanding. I realize that it must be difficult for you to see how much of an effect another girl can have on me, and I really appreciate your continued support. It's a thought provoking experiance being told that someone was willing to "settle" for you because they didn't think that they had a better choice. really makes you look at yourself and wonder. I'm glad that I had the choice, and that I was able to pick whom I thought was the better option, not just who was availble. I love you very much Elizabeth, I just want you to know that. You are an amazing person and I really appreciate everything that you do. Know that I have never regretted my decision. You are the right person for me to marry. Perhaps when you get doubts, you can remember that given the choice, i picked you. And going back, I'd make the same decision again, and again, and again. I love you,
Andrew."
I read your message over and over, a warm feeling of gratitude and love flooding me. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders, and I was reminded, yet again, how much I love you and that you were the right one for me. I knew that while things will be difficult for us at times, I am strong enough to support and stand by you. Things were going to work out. They will continue to work out, as long as we continue communicating and expressing love and appreciation to each other.
This was yesterday. This morning I could tell you were still extremely stressed out. Apparently it was mostly all the homework you have to do? On our way to your physics class after institute, I was moody and contemplative and a part of me just wanted to let go of your hand and walk away. You said something that made me laugh right as the contemplation came to mind, and the unexpected humor lightened my mood considerably.
When I got to work, something got to me, and my much more normal good humored personality began to kick in. Maybe it was how blue the skies are today. Maybe it's how it's finally warm again. I was suddenly in a GREAT mood!! :) When I got to your house after work, you were in a pretty good mood, too, which helped immensely.
Thank goodness for happy tomorrows/todays to follow our gloomy todays/yesterdays. :)
Love,
Your Princess
A Damsel Looking Forward
Monday, October 10, 2011
How Do I Love Thee?
Dear Prince Charming,
I hope you know I love you, by HOW I love you.
Love,
Your Princess
That Loves You
I hope you know I love you, by HOW I love you.
Love,
Your Princess
That Loves You
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