This morning I woke up from a nightmare. In it, we were married and you had gotten into drinking and pornography. When I tried talking to you on the severity of the issues you were in, you laughed it off. My say held no hold in our relationship. You had no respect for me and were basically using me. Frustrated, hurt, and bitterly disappointed in you, I told you that I was going to leave you until you could get your life back together. You ignored me, because apparently you didn't believe me. So I left. You were furious. You were justifying your actions and trying to find me through friends, resenting me for leaving you. You obviously weren't ready, so I did not return yet.
When I woke up, I had a brief moment where I was almost ready to break off the engagement just because I was so terrified of the dream. While I don't believe that will ever happen in real life, I was so scared of getting married that my first thoughts waking up were to figure out what real grounds I would have to break off the engagement. Luckily reason caught up with me, as did a gentle reminder from the Spirit.
I had gotten my answer to this dream, this fear, yesterday while we were in the temple. We were sitting together reading the Ensign about marriage together, and when we went to go to the baptismal font we were in middle of reading the talk that was the answer to my unspoken prayer.
Because we hadn't finished it, I went back and found it this morning. I would like to share bits and pieces of the talk.
It was entitled, "Preparing for the Future" by Elder M. Russel Ballard, which is found in the September 2011 Ensign. Emphasis' added.
"I encourage you to not be afraid of the future. Don’t let anything that’s going on in the world slow you down in your progress in mortality. Don’t be afraid to marry. . . .
Sister Ballard and I have been married for more than 60 years. I think back to when I returned from my mission to England, over 60 years ago. I used every skill I had developed as a full-time missionary to convince Barbara that I was the only true and living returned missionary that she should give any consideration to. If you could see her, you’d know that she was very beautiful and still is, and a lot of young men had the same idea I had. So I used the old commitment pattern, elders. I asked find-out questions, and I resolved concerns, and we moved on, and that’s what you’ve been counseled to do.
Don’t be afraid of marriage. I have been much more effective and much more able to accomplish things in my life with Barbara at my side than I ever would have been alone. Did we have hard times? Oh, yes. But they were some of the best times because we drew together, we prayed together, we worked together, we saw our way from one point of our lives on until today. We are so blessed that we’ve had seven children, none of which we could afford. You young people are very expensive. But don’t let that worry you. Pay your tithing. The Lord said that He’ll provide, He’ll make the way, and that was the case with us. Those wonderful seven children have given us grandchildren, and those grandchildren have given us great-grandchildren.
Our family, and your family, is an eternal unit. As an eternal unit, families go to the eternities together. My counsel to you is do not lose your faith. Go forward with faith. Faith is a principle of the gospel. Faith is one of the greatest powers that you and I have in this sojourn of mortality. Fear is one of those principles that the devil uses. He likes to seed in your minds and in mine doubt and questions. He’s the father of all lies; he lies to us, and he can confuse us if we allow ourselves to be caught up in fear. So replace any fear or apprehension you have now with faith—faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, faith in your fathers and your mothers. Stay close to them."
I am so grateful for my knowledge that Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. Sometimes we are prepared ahead of time with answers to questions, fears, or concerns that we will have later.
I'm so grateful that you are endowed and a holder of the priesthood, and that you are worthy to hold a current temple recommend that you use often.
Love,
Your Princess
A Damsel Pressing Forward in Faith
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