Being the "Best Friend"

Dear Prince Charming

I used to think I was only "Best Friend" material - you know, when your guy friends sit around talking to you, opening completely up to you, and that's just because you're the "best friend"? No one is interested in you romantically because, face it. You're the BEST FRIEND. I mean, how weird would that be, liking your best friend?? That'd be like... Liking your sister!! I mean, EWW!

Um. No.

I don't fall for that.

I've always thought, you marry your best friend. The person you end up marrying should be your best friend. I mean, that doesn't mean you're stuck with marrying who your current best friend is. But by the time you're engaged? That person should be the one you can talk to about ANYTHING. They should be your best friend.
Besides, face it. What girl hasn't at one point secretly liked their best friend that's a guy? He's honest to you, nice to you, protective of you, fun to be with, makes you laugh... You can't escape it. If you have an amazing best friend that's a guy like that, chances are you've liked him at some point.

I'm the best friend to so many guys. I'm the one that they're most comfortable running to when they have questions, or need help, or need support, or just someone to talk to. I'm understanding, I'm logical, and I don't add drama to their lives. That has "best friend" written ALL over it, with a side dish of, "practically a sister, so there's no interest on their behalf."

You know what's fun? When they get so comfortable with being that close to you that they start talking to you about their romantic interests, the girls they like.

OUCH.

Here's the scenario from the guy's perspective: I don't understand this girl, she's so cute, and I'm really attracted to her. Where can I get tips to help me get her? OH! I know! I'll go talk to (best friend that's a girl) and get her advice!!
From the best friend perspective: Are you clueless? I'm completely open with you, we tell each other everything, you're all I've ever wanted in a guy, and I've liked you for years. Way to totally reject me, even if you don't realize that's what you're doing. BUT, I'm the best friend, so I will help you, and you'll hopefully never find out I've liked you all along.

Now, to clarify.

I'm the best friend several guys feel comfortable with talking to, because I'm pretty void of drama. Luckily for the many guys that come to me to vent and talk, I am not interested romantically. It makes both of our lives simpler. Has there been interest in my part at some point in the past? Yeah. Definitely. I mean, they're really good friends, and amazing guys. It'd be hard to not notice, to not be interested in them at some point. I mean, here are a bunch of guys completely comfortable with being themselves around me. And are okay being open with me. They're all super nice, protective, sweet, caring, honest, friendly, funny, talented, hard working, and intelligent guys. What girl wouldn't find that attractive? I can honestly say that whichever girls end up with those guys will be lucky.

I'm also the kind of girl that has a pretty attractive personality, is talented, gets along with others easily, and is physically pretty to boot. I've been told many times that I'm pretty much the total package of what a guy could want, from guys and girls alike. This makes life difficult sometimes, because sometimes what I see as a best friend relationship actually has interest in their behalf. Great...

My problem with that is, I'm not the drama-filled, boy-crazy typical girl you see every day. I never really like more than one guy at a time. So, while I think all those guys are amazing, I don't like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. I also hate the idea of ever hurting someone. So it's difficult for me to tell these amazing guys that I'm just not interested, when they are obviously interested in me.

There will be those in between times, when I like a guy, and he'll like me back. However, those are few. There have been a few times I remember realizing that I was beginning to become interested in a guy, I evaluated the situation, realized they saw me as nothing but a friend and they liked someone else, so I hadn't a chance, and I moved on. Quickly. Painlessly. I'm sure that, if I were the completely outgoing personality type, instead of more relaxed and laid back, I could get a guy to like me if I wanted to. I've never really gone out of my way to try to do that. That's not my style. If they're going to like me, they're going to like me for being myself.

I've liked less than 10 guys total. Ever.

1. He was the super nice guy next door that whomever he marries will be incredibly lucky. He has a swarm of girls interested in him. Only thing that caught my attention? My mom thought he was interested in me. I thought that was possible for a while, but after a while I realized it was unlikely he'd still be interested when I was finally old enough to date, so I kicked that fantasy under the curb and moved on.

2. He was my first date, and on that date I realized he's really an amazing guy, super talented, a complete gentleman. That was attractive, and a few months later I finally told him I liked him. He started liking me back. That lasted just over a year. Eventually he got over me and started talking to me about other girls. Emotional self-preservation came into play, and I moved on. We're still best friends. Whatever girl marries him will be incredibly lucky.

3. He liked me, and complimented me, and was an amazing guy. When I finally thought that maybe I was starting to like him, I noticed a few things that made me realized he had probably moved on to liking the same girl that guy#2 had moved on for. NOT going through that again. I didn't let myself get any more emotionally attached after that. Again. Lucky girl that ends up with him.

4. He was one of the best friends that talked to me about everything. He told me I had the voice of an angel after hearing me sing one time. He dedicated a song to me. Flattery, amazing guy, talented, hard working... I started liking him. He found it really easy to be open with me, and we both really enjoyed talking to each other. I found myself staying up late talking to him pretty much every night. I found out he was interested in one of my best friends, and moved on. Whomever he ends up with will be super lucky.

5. He was so nice, super flirty, really cute, extremely talented, and an amazing guy over all. :) I actually liked guy #6 at the time prior to this (there's a reason he's listed last) but guy #5 was extremely charismatic, and caught my eye. We were talking about possibly getting into a relationship, but then decided not to so he could focus on his mission. To focus better on his mission, he decided to get over me. He did, and a few weeks later, I got over him, too. I think liking him was more of a matter of pride. It was very flattering to be liked by him and like him back. Honestly, though, whatever girl he ends up marrying will be one happy, lucky, girl. He's a great guy.

6. He's currently my very best friend that's a guy, and I'm his best friend that's a girl. We can talk to each other about anything. He's never judgmental, he's understanding, smart, talented, caring, and sweet. I liked him before guy #5. When I got over guy #5, I had an "AHA!" moment in which I realized, I never got over him. He never stopped liking me, even though he thought I liked another guy and had gotten over him. He just wanted me to be happy. We still both like each other.

Being the "Best friend" can be complicated, confusing, amusing, frustrating, and can sometimes make you feel extremely over looked. You know what though? All of that is completely worth it. Even if you (bringing this back to the person all of these are addressed to, the guy I'll marry someday) aren't guy #6, you'll be my best success story with liking my best friend :) So you know what? I'm not going to stop being the best friend.

Love,
Your Best Friend